Good Mum, Bad Mum

Mayenne just had her MMR vaccination yesterday. The doctor told us that usually, should the baby spot a fever, it will come after 7 days of the jab. Before Mayenne could reach back home, she was already feverish.

I went back to the office after the PD's appointment, so it was my mum who told me about it and she was a little flustered cos she doesn't have the thermometer with her (it was at my place) and she wasn't sure how high Mayenne's temperature was. Good thing we brought back a bottle of Neurofen from the PD which helps bring higher temperatures down. My mum tried to feed Mayenne the medicine with a syringe, only to welcome a huge gush of puke.

After a while, Mum fed her some milk as Mayenne is not suppose to eat porridge or rice related products (old wives' tale that we have abided for generations). She then slept and Mum called me later to tell me that her temperature has gone down somewhat.

A quick check on the thermometer showed 38.8 degrees in the evening, after I went home to grab the digital thermometer. It has risen again, and she looked so pitiful: listless eyes, also red from crying, blocked nose from crying. Mum offered (or more like instructed) to keep Mayenne overnight with her, so that she can take care of her (with the maid's help) and that I can have the energy for work the next day.

Mayenne looked better the next morning, even laughed a bit and waved goodbye when Papa and Mummy left for work. I called up the PD to check whether if there is any cause for concern that Mayenne started her fever so immediately after the jab. He advised that the fever was likely not due to the jab but something else, so asked me to monitor her fever and if it's still high, I would need to make a trip to his clinic to follow up. That didn't settle me a bit.

Then I suddenly remembered that she was having a flu just about 1.5 weeks before the jab. Being the bad mum I am, I have totally forgotten that this could be important and we should have delayed the MMR jab for another 2 weeks or so. May be the fever was some "leftovers" from the previous flu bout which was 'reactivated' after the invasive injection.

When I checked on the net to find out more about the symptoms for fever after MMR jabs, to my horror, I found so many websites, forums, discussions that suggest MMR may cause autism and some mental impairment. How come I never check on this before sending Mayenne for the MMR? Will Mayenne suffer due to my ignorance? I am blaming myself for such stupidity and if anything happens to Mayenne, I will never forgive myself.

Then again, will I still have proceeded with the vaccination if I knew, cos these allegations are all not proven? And risk her contracting measles, mumps or rubella which have medically proven to be fatal?

I don't know, I really don't know.... but like what Chester said, it's already administered, and the benefits certainly outweigh the risks.

I can only pray that Mayenne will get well soon and back to her old self again. Please.